It has been quite a while since I have written anything on here, and even longer since I have written about my life. I have honestly been trying to get out there and live life, I do miss writing though so maybe I will get back to doing it on a more regular basis. Honestly, this post is more about me venting about some things to try to get them out of my head.
I have been doing quite well for the most part, there have been a few hiccups with my depression, but they only lasted for a few days at a time. I have been getting out there and dating, and meeting new people some, which is something I really would like to do more of in my life. I need to find ways to get a little bit out of my comfort zone to meet people.
On the dating front I have dated a few people over the past few months, nothing really developed in a long term way for different reasons along the way. I have actually deleted all of my dating site accounts because someone was accessing them and messaging people and blocking other people who I had messaged. I changed my password on every account a few times and even on my email address a few times. I just decided it wasn't worth the hassle to deal with. I will likely go back to them in the future, but we will see, I am honestly very tired of dating.
For those of you reading this who might not know me personally, I am a very logical person. I think my downfall will be wanting to understand things that I don't need to. Its the things that I don't control that I have the hardest times with. Back in April I was dating someone, honestly it was only for a few weeks, things could not have gone better, fluid conversation, chemistry on any level, I felt like we actually got each other, then one day she stops talking to me, a few days later she tells me she isn't over her ex and didn't want to be my friend or anything. I understand it, it just blindsided me. She didn't want to talk to me or try to be my friend or anything. I have honestly still not moved on emotionally. I really thought that I had, but I randomly ran into her, and the hurt and pain flared up completely, I have just been down the last few days since that. I just never learned how to let things go, and I really, really want to.
I need to learn how to let things go, and I need to learn how to cut myself a break. I need to learn to accept things as they are when I have no control over these things, especially in the case described above. I need to not beat myself up for things that are out of my control as well. I swear when my emotions get in the way I always wish there was an easy logical way to deal with them, but that isn't how emotions work is it?
I have not had much alone time in the last few months because I have been letting a friend of mine sleep on my couch pretty regularly, because she doesn't really have anywhere else to go, but I really miss my alone time. I really like alone time, it was once my worst nightmare, but I have learned to really enjoy my alone time, it can be very therapeutic.
I have been wanting to get some kind of pet in my apartment, I need to look into exactly how much extra it would cost to do that, because I think that will help me better deal with my loneliness, I would like to get a cat, but I am not sure if they are allowed in my building or not. If I get a pet, I will be sure to post about him/her on here on occasion and post some pictures.
I honestly just needed to vent about some things, I don't really expect to accomplish anything by writing about all of this, but I know for me it does help to get it out of my head at the very least.
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