Life update: 9/20/2014

It has been quite a while since I have written anything on here, and even longer since I have written about my life. I have honestly been trying to get out there and live life, I do miss writing though so maybe I will get back to doing it on a more regular basis. Honestly, this post is more about me venting about some things to try to get them out of my head.

I have been doing quite well for the most part, there have been a few hiccups with my depression, but they only lasted for a few days at a time. I have been getting out there and dating, and meeting new people some, which is something I really would like to do more of in my life. I need to find ways to get a little bit out of my comfort zone to meet people.

On the dating front I have dated a few people over the past few months, nothing really developed in a long term way for different reasons along the way. I have actually deleted all of my dating site accounts because someone  was accessing them and messaging people and blocking other people who I had messaged. I changed my password on every account a few times and even on my email address a few times. I just decided it wasn't worth the hassle to deal with. I will likely go back to them in the future, but we will see, I am honestly very tired of dating.

For those of you reading this who might not know me personally, I am a very logical person. I think my downfall will be wanting to understand things that I don't need to. Its the things that I don't control that I have the hardest times with. Back in April I was dating someone, honestly it was only for a few weeks, things could not have gone better, fluid conversation, chemistry on any level, I felt like we actually got each other, then one day she stops talking to me, a few days later she tells me she isn't over her ex and didn't want to be my friend or anything. I understand it, it just blindsided me. She didn't want to talk to me or try to be my friend or anything. I have honestly still not moved on emotionally. I really thought that I had, but I randomly ran into her, and the hurt and pain flared up completely, I have just been down the last few days since that. I just never learned how to let things go, and I really, really want to.

I need to learn how to let things go, and I need to learn how to cut myself a break. I need to learn to accept things as they are when I have no control over these things, especially in the case described above. I need to not beat myself up for things that are out of my control as well. I swear when my emotions get in the way I always wish there was an easy logical way to deal with them, but that isn't how emotions work is it?

I have not had much alone time in the last few months because I have been letting a friend of mine sleep on my couch pretty regularly, because she doesn't really have anywhere else to go, but I really miss my alone time. I really like alone time, it was once my worst nightmare, but I have learned to really enjoy my alone time, it can be very therapeutic.

I have been wanting to get some kind of pet in my apartment, I need to look into exactly how much extra it would cost to do that, because I think that will help me better deal with my loneliness, I would like to get a cat, but I am not sure if they are allowed in my building or not. If I get a pet, I will be sure to post about him/her on here on occasion and post some pictures.

I honestly just needed to vent about some things, I don't really expect to accomplish anything by writing about all of this, but I know for me it does help to get it out of my head at the very least.

Humor

Its been a little while since I last wrote anything. I have just been reading through my stats for my blog. It appears that the best referring site is facebook, so lots of my friends are reading my blog. The 2nd best referring site is actually google, which I find interesting. People have found my blog by searching for really random things.

Nathan Fillion
Scre4m Spoilers
Has gone meta

All of these search terms have been used to find my blog. I guess I just find this stuff fascinating. I shouldn't geek out too much about my own blog though. Self centered much?

I wanted to write this blog entry about humor, but maybe I should really use it within the scope of my life. Some of the people reading this post know me, while others don't. I am the kind of person who gives everyone a hard time. Thats how its always been in my family, and I actually like that. Some people can handle this, others are not really able to handle it though. I feel that anything is fair game for joking about, but I guess sometimes I should really exercise more discretion. If I have ever offended you, I didn't mean to. I just don't know when I go to far some times. Different people enjoy different levels of joking. Of course there are topics that shouldn't be joked about, and there are some environments are not appropriate for joking around either.

I love how nuanced humor can be. There are just so many different things that I enjoy from a humor standpoint. I can enjoy the dryest of humor. I enjoy puns usually. I guess I laugh even when stuff isn't all that funny, but I have found that my laughter and my smile can be very contagious. I wish everyone could laugh at as many things as I can, but I guess nothing would get done, because we would all be giggling the day away.

I have a theory that people who have been through tough times are able to enjoy humor that much more than others. I know the fact that I really did suffer through my depression has helped me enjoy laughter and humor as a whole more. I think other people who have been through tough times, no matter what the specifics are able to see the true joy that is humor. I know I have probably thought about this too much, but I think the people who have seen the true darkness, are most able to enjoy the light. Even if its not that bright. I thought that was a great analogy but then again I like to pat my own back.

Some people are not able to laugh at themselves, but insist on laughing at everyone else though. I dislike people like this, it seems like the ultimate form of judging. I just think some people should be able to be a bit more laid back, and not take themselves so seriously. I guess I am rambling, but rambling is really all I do on this blog haha.


Overall I have had some extra time to think and reflect on myself in this past week, and i am feeling great right now, maybe its the fact that we had sun for like 3 days in a row. I am starting to think that sun really helps my mood a ton, but I have enjoyed having time to unwind over the course of the week. I have done more reading than I have done in previous weeks.

I have recently started watching Battlestar Galactica. Some of my friends were shocked that I had not already watched it well, I guess it had slipped past me. I sure am glad that I gave it a shot though. It is an awesome show. Lots of drama, mixed with scifi action goodness. There is usually so much going on and a lot of interesting story arcs to follow. I am only midway through the 2nd season, but its a gem that can be found on Netflix Instant. As I am writing this, something just happened on the show that just blew my fraking mind! If you notice me using the word frak a lot, its because of this show. What a great replacement word, they sure got around being censored there! I think people who don't even enjoy scifi all that much would enjoy this show. I think its so well written, with great character development. Some quality work from the Syfy channel. I might have to check out the show Caprica after I work my way through this, but we will see.

Well its almost the middle of the night, so I should probably get to bed.

As always I encourage comments and questions you might have about what I have written.